billie

My boy's being sus', he was shady enough, but now he's just a shadow My boy loves his friends like I love my splitends, and by that I mean He cuts 'em off (What?!)

My boy My boy My boy Don't love me like he promised

---my boy by Billie Eilish

There are only certain artists that can illicit this immediate feeling of familiarity. You've felt as if you have heard them before. Maybe, they were in a coffee shop you were at, playing in the background as you grabbed another cup to get through a book or paper you were working on? Or maybe, they were probably playing at Urban or some other store and as you zipped through the aisles. But it slipped your mind to write down their name. As easy as it was entering your mind, it left it one single swoop.

This accurately describes the first time I listened to Billie Eilish. Sure enough in the Spotify algorithm, her EP popped up on my "Discover Weekly". As I was working in the middle booth of the empty Vida coffee on a Saturday morning, a hold, so tight, gripped onto me and from that point it hasn't let up. The first song of her's I listened to was, "my boy". The lyrics aren't life changing by any means, but they are fun. You are taken on this ride. Every-time the music changes, you start to see why she wrote the song in the first place. She is angry, but still so tied to this person. By the end of the song, you are trying to figure out what is going to happen next. It is clear she still has some affection for him but the question is for how long.

The minute the song ended, I played it again. I kept playing it but also played a few songs in-between repeating it every 20 minutes. I didn't want to get burned out from it because this was special. It felt so familiar to me but with each passing listen I realized it was different every time. The subtlety of it all made the song so much more addictive.

It was after listening to this song for a better part of a year, that her full length album came out. And it didn't disappoint.... It was more complex. The incorporation of "real world" sounds solidified how real the song was to her and in turn, to you. The album starts out silly with her taking off her retainer but it is used in a way that it indicates what the rest of the album is going to be. She is a seventeen year old, who is just as scared and confused as the rest of us. But in her way of processing what is going on, she is singing about it. It's truly beautiful and something that we should realize how special it really is.

The song I want to talk about off of the new album is pretty similar to the core message of the song. (Disclaimer: while writing this, I had the album playing in its entirety and to be honest I wish I could focus on all the songs). The one I want to talk about is "wish you were gay". I know when you first look at the song, it can be deemed as problematic but that is where the commentary lies. Whenever, we are prideful and something doesn't go our way, we want an explanation for it. And in that explanation lies these fantasies, that it wasn't our fault but other circumstances that didn't go the "right" way. In this song those exact things play out. We wish that it had to do with the other person. However, when we look at this other person we don't see them in the same light we once did. The light becomes harsher, because we have made it that way. We take the easy way out instead of examining ourselves. The song, like the one I described before, takes you on a journey leaving you at the end of it thinking how you would react in this case.

To spare my pride

To give your lack of interest an explanation

Don't say I'm not your type

Just say that I'm not your preferred sexual orientation

I'm so selfish

But you make me feel helpless, yeah

And I can't stand another day

Stand another day

The thing with how Billie sings is you can hear the emotion in her voice. It kind of oozes with pain, anger or happiness depending on the song. The production of these songs do this as well. When the song changes, her voice matches the intensity. I can feel everything that is happening, not just with her singing but with the whole production of it all. There aren't that many artists who are able to do that, but she seems to do it with such ease.

It's bizarre to think that she has only been around for about a year. Her music is so mature, deliberate and intentional. It is rare. Maybe it might be the misconception I have about this genre of music or maybe it is my jealous coming out...who knows.