What Could Have Been

Well I come here more than you know And I’m sure you think I’ve outgrown you But I couldn’t - “Malibu 1992″ by COIN

Timing. I feel like all the great love stories begin with this particular word. It is important and an aspect of a relationship that we often take for granted. To be at the right place at the right time. It was like fate, when I first discovered this song. It's as if someone out there wanted to give me a little reminder that someone too was experiencing the same pain, happiness and frustration that I was feeling. This could describe all the songs I've listened to, but last year, this one really stuck with me and hasn’t let up since.

I have always had a hard time with moving on. At times I describe it to people like this: I am an octopus and when someone leaves me (whether it be a friendship or romantic relationship), I feel like a tentacle has been cut off. The lack of tentacle/part of me serves as a reminder of the importance of the relationship and the piece of me that the person has taken away from me. Like mourning a dear friend, I pick up the pieces and try my best to move on. For so long, I felt as if I was silly for feeling this way. It gets harder and harder each time. Sometimes, I even begin to question, “Why do I keep doing this to myself?”

When I heard “Malibu 1992″, I was going through the loss of a relationship that I invested in. I cared about this person. Regardless of hesitations, I jumped right in at the beginning. The first few months were great. I started to grow attached. However, over time the relationship seemed to dissipate. I was left, standing there, in a position I know all too well. It was a position of questioning what went wrong.

In “Malibu 1992″, Tim Pagnotta talks from the perspective of an individual looking back. The person, whose thoughts we are listening to, is reluctant to be feeling this way. However, they keep coming back to the relationship that has since ended. Reliving these experiences and holding on to the memories that can’t seem to go away. The song ends with the realization, that they seem to be the only one with the memories of Malibu 1992.

The questions I am left asking myself at the end of the song are: Is remembering the past/past relationships, good or bad? Should we feel bad for the protagonist because they still long for this person or do we feel bad for the individual that has forgotten the relationship? It is an interesting situation. A feeling that I have gone back and forth on since hearing the song that cold January night. It challenges me to think, can we ever move on from something or like the example I used at the beginning, will we always have a reminder that shows us the beauty of the relationship that once was?